Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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