The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You made out with two different species that night
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
