Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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