I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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