I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
