I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We have so much sex to catch up on
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
