I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize