Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
