i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
