Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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