ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
