My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
