remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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