bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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