Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
