Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
