The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
