There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize