it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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