She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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