He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
