So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Houston, we have a blender
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
