he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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