Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
