3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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