He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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