i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
