A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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