spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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