Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Randomize