she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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