Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
