I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
