Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
