I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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