i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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