I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
