can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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