they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
