I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
