I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
