I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
