what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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