new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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