thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
