i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
