I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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