never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize