She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
