Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
