it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize