I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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