i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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