We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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