And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
