How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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