I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
