I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
either way he was missing a nipple.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How does it feel to date your dad?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
