We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dicks are not precious.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
