Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
