You're so nebulous sometimes
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How does one acquire holy water?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
