I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
