i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
