they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
