I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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