Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
