Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
