One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
