We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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