Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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