Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
